Humour in arts and in politics

Surreal humour (also known as absurdist humour) is a form of humour predicated on deliberate violations of causal reasoning, producing events and behaviours that are obviously illogical. Constructions of surreal humour tend to involve bizarre juxtapositions, non-sequiturs, irrational or absurd situations and expressions of nonsense.
The humour arises from a subversion of audience's expectations, so that amusement is founded on unpredictability, separate from a logical analysis of the situation. The humour derived gets its appeal from the fact that the situation described is so ridiculous or unlikely. The genre has roots in Surrealism in the arts.

Political satire is a significant part of satire that specializes in gaining entertainment from politics; it has also been used with subversive intent where political speech and dissent are forbidden by a regime, as a method of advancing political arguments where such arguments are expressly forbidden.
Political satire is usually distinguished from political protest or political dissent, as it does not necessarily carry an agenda nor seek to influence the political process. While occasionally it may, it more commonly aims simply to provide entertainment. By its very nature, it rarely offers a constructive view in itself; when it is used as part of protest or dissent, it tends to simply establish the error of matters rather than provide solutions.

Humour in arts

High-class humors using artistic images.


Limerick, oil painting

Limerick, oil painting

#1: Limerick, oil painting

Image source: commons.wikimedia.org

Puppets, oil painting

Puppets, oil painting

#2: Puppets, oil painting

Image source: commons.wikimedia.org

Now What?

Now What?

#3: Now What?

Image source: commons.wikimedia.org

Grand Piano

Grand Piano

#4: Grand Piano

Image source: commons.wikimedia.org


Black Humor

Black Humor

#5: Black Humor

Image source: www.flickr.com/h.koppdelaney

Take a look!

Take a look!

#6: Take a look! ("Adamo, guarda lassù!")

Image source: www.flickr.com/Roberto Rizzato

I wonder what happens

I wonder what happens

#7: I wonder what happens if he wakes up....

Image source: www.flickr.com/h.koppdelaney

Apathy

Grand Piano

#8: Apathy

Image source: www.flickr.com/adholmes

 

Sufi Sense of Humor


Bird-Brain

The Bird’s Advice

A man caught a bird, and the bird said to him, “Release me, and I will give you three valuable pieces of advice. I will give you the first when you let me go, the second when I fly up to that branch, and the third when I fly up to the top of the tree.”

The man agreed, and let the bird go. The bird said, “Do not torment yourself with excessive regret for mistakes.”

The bird then flew up to a branch and said, “Do not believe anything that goes against common sense, unless you have firsthand proof.”

And then the bird flew up to the top of the tree and said, “You fool. I have two huge jewels inside of me, and if you had killed me instead of letting me go, you would have had them.”

“Darn it!” the man said. “How can I have been so stupid? I am never going to get over this. Bird, can you at least give the third piece of advice as a consolation?”

The bird replied, “I have been hoaxing you. And now you are asking for more advice, yet you have already disregarded the first two pieces of advice I gave you. I told you not to torment yourself with excessive regret for mistakes, and I told you not to believe things that go again common sense unless there is some kind of firsthand proof. And yet, you just tormented yourself with excessive regret for letting me go, and you also believed that somehow there are two jewels inside of a tiny bird like me! So here is your third piece of advice: ‘If you are not using what you know, why are you so intent on seeking what you do not know?’”

I wonder what happens ......

I wonder what happens   I wonder what happens

Left: I wonder what happens if he wakes up ....
Right: I wonder what happens if he wakes up and realizes that he is a Muslim and a Transgender.

The Bird’s Request

There once was a merchant who had a bird as a pet that he kept in a cage. One day, the merchant said to the bird, “I am going to India on business, the land that you are from. Do you want me to bring anything back for you.”

The bird replied, “Not really, I just want my freedom.”

“No,” the merchant responded.

“OK then,” said the bird, “Can you at least go the jungle in India and tell the free birds over there about me and how I am in a cage.”

So the merchant agreed and complied with the bird’s request when he got to the jungle in India. And as soon as he finished his statement, a wild bird that looked just like his own fell to the ground.

“Oh dear,” the man thought. “This must be a relative of my bird, whose sadness of hearing about my bird’s captivity has caused him to die.”

When the merchant arrived home and the bird asked what happened, the merchant sadly replied, “Unfortunately, when I spoke about you, one of your relatives collapsed immediately upon hearing how you are in a cage.”

When the bird heard this, it too collapsed in its cage.

The merchant thought, “Now the news of his relative’s death has killed my bird!”

Greatly saddened, he picked up the bird and put it near his window. Immediately after he did this, the bird flew out the window and to his freedom.

From a distance, he said to his former owner, “You have been tricked. You thought that misfortune had struck me, but in actuality the opposite has happened. The message of the way I could free myself was sent by my relative through you.”

And with that statement, the bird flew away.

 

Fool me once .... Fool me twice

TIRCKERATION TIMES TWO
A man was leading a ram, and decided to take a rest—but as he rest, someone stole the ram.

Upon noticing what had happened, the owner frantically running in hopes of finding it. As he searched, he noticed the thief sitting near a well, lamenting, “What shall I do? Oh My! What shall I do?”

The man went up to the thief and said, “What is the matter?”

The thief replied, “I dropped my wallet into this well, and I don’t know how to get it back. I must get it back—it had one hundred dinars in it. Please, sir, help me retrieve it. If you can, I will give you twenty dinars for your help.”

The man thought to himself, “Well, I lost my ram, which is worth about two dinars, but now I have the opportunity to make 20 dinars. Wow, this is great.”

So the man took off his clothes and hopped into the well. As he was down there, the thief took his clothes and stole them as well.

The Grass Is Greener

Two friends encountered each other traveling in opposite directions on a street.

They each asked where the other was going. One said, “To see a woman,” and the other said, “To a religious gathering.”

The first friend said to the other, “Why are you going to go see that woman. Come to the religion gathering—there will be a preacher, and singing, dancing, storytelling, and more.”

The other replied, “You should come with me. I can hook you up with my woman’s sister—she is really hot.”

They both presented their cases, but both friends decided to go their originally planned way.

When the first friend went to the religious gathering, he was preoccupied thinking about what a good time his friend must be having with his woman, and he regretted his decision to come to the religious gathering.

And while the second friend was with his woman, he was preoccupied thinking of how his friend was having fun at the religious gathering and doing a good deed, and he regretted not going with him.

Thus, there is a saying that a person will not give up this world for the other, nor will he give up the other world for this one.

 

 

 



Political Humour

Low-class humors using sinister words and crude images.


Choosing a Profession

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whiskey and a Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine, he's gonna be a skirt chasin' bum."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house, whistling, and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna run for Congress.”

The Wishes

A man finds a genie who says that it will grant him three wishes but that every pollitition in the country would get double.
The man says, "Ok, I wish for $1 million"
"Granted", says the  genie, "but remember every pollitition in the country will get double"
The man says, "Ok, now I wish for a Ferrarii"
"Granted", says the genie, "but remember every pollitition in  the country will get double. Your final wish?"
The man says, "I wish to have one of my kidneys removed"    

 

Political Jokes

Political Jokes Political Jokes
Political Jokes

Political Jokes

 

Fake News! Fake News!


You have seen the truth and it makes no sense.


Trump vs Fake News

Trump vs Fake News

Trump 5     CNN 0

Trump vs CNN

Trump vs Fake News

Leaked News vs Fake News

leaked news

If it leaks, you must believe!
Johnnie Cochran/O. J. Simpson

Trump promises to build border wall, and this is no fake.

Trump promises to build border wall

The real reason trump wants that wall built

The real reason trump wants that border wall built

 

DON’T ARGUE WITH TRUMP

A neighbor accuses Trump the casserole he'd given him was returned broken. They can't settle the case and so go to house of justice.
"Your Honor, none of this ever happened", replies Trump.
"Please explain", says the judge.
"First, this man has never given me any casserole",
"Second, I've returned it all in good shape",
"And third, it was already broken when he handed it to me".
(Source of the similar joke: news.ycombinator.com   Copy)


George Washington Couldn’t Tell A Lie. The Clintons Can’t Tell The Truth. Donald Trump Can’t Tell The Difference.


Never wrestle with a pig : You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.    


How to draw a pig

How to draw a pig

Fake Hairs

Why have people become so fake these days?

Fake Hairs

Fake Jokes

These days, most of the vicious political attacks are fake news masqueraded as late-night jokes.

This woman, Hillary, uh …..
She was afraid of facing Trump on the stage, alone. Trump loved to intimidate women, and that scared her.
Doctor prescribed male hormone to up her testosterone, two pills a day.
She took them and a month later, she went back to the doctor and said,
“Doctor, that hormone medicine worked wonder. I won all three debates.
“The only problem is I’m growing hair in places I’ve never grown hair before.”
He said, “Don’t worry about it, Hillary. Excessive hair is to be expected. Where exactly is this hair growing?
She said, “On my balls, doctor, on my balls”.

 

Trump fired Comey

Trump fired Comey

Trump fired Comey

Trump fired Comey

Trump fired Comey

Trump fired Comey

 

Trump Wants to Deport American Indians to India?

Trump Wants to Deport American Indians to India? Trump Wants to Deport American Indians to India?  

Trump Wants to Deport American Indians to India?


On 13 February 2017, the entertainment web site The Postillon published an article reporting that President Trump had expressed an intent to deport Native Americans “back to India”:

As part of his plan to improve national security and combat illegal immigration, US President Donald Trump intends to send around 3 million American Indians back to where they came from — India. He is to sign an executive order to this effect this week.

In an interview with Fox News, President Trump described Indians living in the USA as lawless warriors with a history of attacking and killing US citizens. He claimed, “I’ve seen it in all kinds of TV documentaries. Horrible attacks on good Americans using hatchets or bows and arrows. You can’t trust these Indians.”

President Trump consulted with the appropriate members of the government and found that most Indians do not possess the relevant immigration documents. “That means they are here illegally. I had to act.”

Does Donald Trump have small hands?

Does Donald Trump have small hands? Ex-Wife Ivana Claims Donald Trump Is Addicted to Penis Enlargement Pills  

Left: Marco Rubio Claims Donald Trump Has Small Hands
Right: Ex-Wife Ivana Claims Donald Trump Is Addicted to Penis Enlargement Pills

Mar 4, 2016
Marco Rubio told supporters last week that GOP presidential rival Donald Trump is "always calling me 'little Marco.'"
"He is taller than me, he's like 6' 2", which is why I don't understand why his hands are the size of someone who is 5' 2"," Rubio joked. "Have you seen his hands? And you know what they say about men with small hands -- "

The crowd erupted.
" -- You can't trust them," Rubio said.

Rubio’s comment may come across tasteless for a presidential hopeful, but that was not the first time someone has questioned the size of Trump’s hands.

 

Does Chuck Todd have sleepy eyes?

Does Chuck Todd have sleepy eyes?  Is Trump/Russia story phony?  

Does Chuck Todd have sleepy eyes? Is Trump/Russia story phony?

Meanwhile, Todd on Saturday brushed off Trump's "Sleepy Eyes" tweet: "For those wondering, I slept well even tho I stayed up late watching the #msstate upset of UConn. #cowbell. Don't feel sleepy at all though," Todd tweeted.


This is Not Fake News

First in the Nation: California Attempts ‘Fake News’ Ban.
The proposed law states:
18320.5. It is unlawful for a person to knowingly and willingly make, publish or circulate on an Internet Web site, or cause to be made, published, or circulated in any writing posted on an Internet Web site, a false or deceptive statement designed to influence the vote on either of the following:
(a) Any issue submitted to voters at an election.
(b) Any candidate for election to public office.
(Sources: heatst.com   www.breitbart.com   Multiple sources)

2016 Lie of the Year: Fake news

2016 Lie of the Year: Fake news 

Link: www.politifact.com

 

Is this Lincoln's headstrong image photoshopped? Chelsea Clinton Wonders!

Lincoln wears Make America Great Again hat  Chelsea Clinton Tweet  

Chelsea Clinton warns her followers not to be fooled by Republican's fake news trick.

How to Spot Fake News

How to Spot Fake News -Famous Lincoln quote   Mount Rushmore and MAGA hats

Left: Famous Lincoln quote and a damn good advice.
Right: Mount Rushmore and MAGA hats Warning: This image is a fake!.

 


“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you do read it, you’re misinformed,” - Denzel Washington, the Oscar-winning actor. conservativepost.com


Bruce Springsteen

'THAT'S WHAT ARTISTS DO. THEY LIE IN SERVICE OF THE TRUTH.' Bruce Springsteen

I come from a boardwalk town where almost everything is tinged with a bit of fraud. So am I. By twenty, no race-car-driving rebel, I was a guitar player on the streets of Asbury Park and already a member in good standing amongst those who “lie” in service of the truth . . . artists, with a small “a.”
Bruce Springsteen


Where other men blindly follow the truth,
remember …… Nothing is true.
Where other men are limited by morality or law,
remember …… Everything is permitted.
WE WORK IN THE DARK TO SERVE THE LIGHT.
We are Assassins.

 

Ten commandments plus one   Aviva Drescher threw her prosthetic leg

Left: Ten Commandments plus one The report that Pope Francis says spreading fake news is a sin and compare it to eating feces is real. However, there is another report that he says that God has instructed him to revise the Ten Commandments is fake news. Reference
Right: This is not fake news! Aviva Drescher threw her prosthetic leg to make a point during an argument on the season finale of Real Housewives of New York. Aviva Dresche is a real housewife with a fake leg.

 

Polar bears spotted in Scotland due to sea ice melt

WWF: Polar bears spotted in Scotland due to sea ice melt  

Polar bears spotted in Scotland due to sea ice melt - The World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF)  

Polar bears spotted in Scotland as animals flee melting Arctic ice cap  

"Polar bears spotted in Scotland as animals flee melting Arctic ice cap" - Daily Telegraph “Science correspondent” Rollo Piaf

"For those arriving to this page after 12pm on April 1st 2017, this story was an April Fool".

Comment: Although The Telegraph claims that this is one of the best April Fool stories, we believe it is the worst. It elevates Fake News to another level, while The WWF is asking for donation on the same page.

How to Spot Fake News

How to Spot Fake News  

"How to Spot Fake News"  

How to Spot Fake News?

How to Spot Fake News?  

Link: FactCheck.org  

 

What Caused Russian Tu-154 Plane Crash?

On 25 December 2016, a Tupolev Tu-154 jetliner of the Russian Defence Ministry crashed into the Black Sea shortly after taking off from Sochi International Airport, Russia, while en route to Khmeimim Air Base, Syria. All 92 passengers, including 64 members of the Alexandrov Ensemble choir of the Russian Armed Forces, and crew aboard died.

What Caused Russian Tu-154 Plane Crash?

The Russian Tu-154 plane crash was likely because of pilot error or technical fault, the country’s transport minister Maxim Sokolov said early Monday, ruling out terrorism as a cause. His comments were in complete contrast to earlier reports that the jet was technically sound before takeoff.

COMMENTS:

Art Thou
Technically speaking.... why was there no mayday call or urgent cockpit to tower report of instrumentation failure as the jetliner "plunged downward"? Still smells more like islam to me.

FauxScienceSlayer
always suspect the CIA, unless proven otherwise....

FauxScienceSlayer
Obombie did promise retribution for fake election hacking....

Mr. Magic
Very likely the globalists elite that wanted to start a war with Russia did this. Wouldn't be surprised at all if Obama and Clinton had a hand in this.

thebelgianspectator
Donald Trump who likes very much twitter missed an opportunity to make new friends at little cost. It would have been elegant to send condolences to the families of the victims of the crash of the Russian plane. It transported all the musicians of the Russian army choirs, an extremely popular choir in Russia and even in Europe. It is a real cultural disaster for Russia. It would have been elegant to put a small kind word on twitter at least to dissipate the doubts that it could have been a coup of CIA through a cyberattack on the driver software of the plane.

Leonard Melton
"Which means that something sudden and [un]expected occurred seven minutes into the flight. So, I cannot blame the crew, and when there is a technical problem, it is seldom so sudden. [...] They have even found a man near the coast who was injured by the falling debris. Which indicates that fragments of the aircraft were scattered as they were coming down, suggesting that the aircraft exploded in the air,"

Ihsan Toprak
CIA is the real criminal and the son of Lucifer on earth, they killed 92 musicians on Christmas. CIA is the antichrist.

junaid syed
this is punishment from God

C Y
If Russian had really shot down the MH17 then this is the absolute meaning of Karma.

RevolutionaryRocket
The Russians thought it was a passenger plane and shot it down by mistake.

Multiple posts
PEACE, LOVE, UNITY, PROSPERITY, CALM, WISDOM

Nadezda Shcherbakova
«Те, кто лает b нашу сторону, так они всегда были, пускай собаки лают, они ничего не изменят, а когда-нибудь придет время и к ним все вернется», — сказал он в интервью ФБА «Экономика сегодня». Пореченков также выразил соболезнования всем погибшим в результате авиакатастрофы и их семьям. «Но нас этим не испугаешь, все равно будем ездить к нашим ребятам, которые выполняют свой долг вдали от Родины. Будем их поддерживать»,
Google translation: "Those who barks b our side, so they have always been, let the dogs bark, they do not change, but ever the time comes and they all come back," - he said in an interview with ABF "Economics today." Porechenkov also expressed his condolences to all the victims of the plane crash and their families. "But this does not scare us, we will still go to our children, who do their duty far from home. We will support them."

Russian Tu-154 plane crash: First VIDEO from rescue operation in Black Sea  

Russian Tu-154 plane crash: First VIDEO from rescue operation in Black Sea!!!!


Comment:
This is a fake photo!
It is not seen in youtube video from RT News: Search & recovery teams work in Black sea and Divers search seabed at Tu-154 crash site
There is a picture of Tu-154B-2 (RA-85572) in Wikipedia and it is diffrent from the photo above.
The fake photo was also used to fake the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 Multiple Sites.



On 28 December French satirical weekly magazine Charlie Hebdo published several comics mocking the tragedy. A Russian Defense Ministry spokesman said: "If such, I dare say, 'artistry' is the real manifestation of 'Western values', then those who hold and support them are doomed".

Russian Tu-154 plane crash: First VIDEO from rescue operation in Black Sea

 

 

 

CIA Declassified Soviet Jokes

Soviet Jokes
Soviet Jokes

 

Socialist Jokes

Wood
A man and his wife live in Siberia. Every day she nags him about his drinking and his terrible friends and how he never helps her around the house. It always ends with her yelling at him to go out and bring in some wood for the stove.
One day after the usual fight, the man gets to the woodpile and just keeps walking.
Twenty years later, he returns. He walks into the kitchen, sees his wife, and says, "I'm home!"
"Where's the wood?" she yells.


KGB, FBI and CIA
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.
The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”


Socialist Sciene
Here's one from Hungary: The lion calls the congress of forest animals and declares: thanks to the tireless work of our scientists, we now know two times two is six.
Everyone claps loudly. Only the old rabbit sighs to himself, the way I learned in school, two times two is four.
Two giant timber wolves appear, haul the rabbit away and noone sees the rabbit for years.
A few years later, the lion calls the congress of forest animals and declares: thanks to the tireless work of our scientists, we now know two times two is five.
Everyone claps loudly. Only the old rabbit, quite haggard now, sighs to himself, the way I learned in school, two times two is four.
Two giant timber wolves appear and invite the rabbit to the pub across the street and tell him: - Look comrade, you can think whatever you want but do not be so loud about it. Or do you want it to be six again?


Happiness
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian were once discussing the meaning of true happiness.
The Englishman said, "True happiness, my friends, is rising early on a frosty fall morning, getting on top of a good horse, and galloping off behind the hounds in pursuit of the fox. A hard ride over fields and fences and rivulets until the fox is brought down. A ride back with the ears and the tail and then sitting before a roaring fire with a glass of good port. Ah, that is true happiness."
The Frenchman said, "That is not true happiness. That is merely animal pleasure. True happiness is meeting with the love of your life, having an excellent meal in a topnotch restaurant with champagne, and then retiring to a wonderful hotel room, where you can make frantic and impassioned love all night long. Ah, that is true happiness.
The Russian said, "That is not true happiness. That is merely a good time. True happiness comes when you are sitting in your apartment after a hard day at the factory, your little Ivan on your knee, and reading your copy of Pravda. There comes a knock at the door. Three men in ill-fitting brown suits come storming in and say 'Stepan Stepanovich,' and you say, 'He lives in the rooms upstairs.' Ah, that is true happiness!"


Castro
A European tourist discuses with a Cuban local.
- How is life under Fidel Castro?
- I can't complain.
- Interesting, so not that bad.
- Well, I really cannot complain.


Coffee or Tea?
Why do Marxists like coffee?
Because all proper tea is theft!


Banking
Wlodek, a rural farmer, has decided that might be safer not keeping his money under the mattress. So he takes his horse and cart and goes off to the nearest town to talk to the bank.
"Right," says Wlodek, "I want to make sure my 50 zlotys are safe. Like, what happens if someone robs you and takes everything in your vault?"
"Oh, don't worry about that!" says the smooth bank manager. "The main branch in the city would cover you!"
"Okay," says Wlodek. "But suppose the whole bank went bust? I know these things happen."
"Well," says the bank manager. "People have a right to be worried, of course. So that you can feel completely secure, the Polish Central Bank still guarantees your savings."
"But suppose the Polish Central Bank ran out of money?" asks Wlodek. "What would happen then?"
"This is very hypothetical," says the bank manager. "But if it ever happened, we have a treaty with the Soviet Union. They would still make sure you weren't out of pocket."
"But what if the Soviet Union went bust?" asks Wlodek stubbornly.
The bank manager sighs. "Look," he says. "Wouldn't that be worth 50 zlotys?"


Honecker and the Sun
Honecker walks into his office, looks out the window and says "Good morning, dear sun!" and the sun replies "Good morning Erich!"
At lunch Honecker walks to the window and says "Good afternoon, dear sun!", and the sun replies "Good afternoon Erich!"
Finally, at the end of the day Honecker walks to his window and says "Good evening, dear sun!". But the sun doesn't say anything, so he says once more "Good evening, dear sun! Is something wrong?". The sun finally replies, "Kiss my ass I'm in the west now!"


To hell with Ronald Regan
An American tells a Russian that the United States is so free he can stand in front of the White House and yell, "To hell with Ronald Regan."
The Russian replies, "That's nothing. I can stand in front of the Kremlin and yell, 'To hell with Ronald Regan,' too."


Russian watch
A Prague citizen came to local police station in fall 1968. At the desk he claimed "Officer, a Swiss soldier stole my Russian watch".
Officer looked puzzled and responded "I guess you mean that a Russian soldier stole your Swiss watch."
The man replied "It might be so, but remember that you said that. Not me."


Russian watch
Three men in a platzkart train are telling political jokes on their way to Moscow.
The fourth is coming in and he hisses "Oh my, do not tell those, you'll be taken".
"Oh, come on, man, says one of the three".
The alerting guy than goes to the stewardess and asks for four cups of tea delivered to that platzkart seats in exactly 4 minutes.
Four minutes later he continues to hiss on his travel companions "Guys, if you won't stop to tell political jokes, they will take you!", getting the same "Come on, man" in response.
"All right he says, look here". He stands up near the small lamp in the corner and says "Comrade mayor, four teas to platzkart seats 14, 15, 16 and 17, please".
The stewardess brings the tea. Everyone shuts up, and soon goes asleep.
In the morning, our hero discovers that his three travel companions' seats are empty. He asks stewardess whether they took off in Tver?
"No", the stewardess says, "they were taken".
"And why they did not took me too?". "Because comrade mayor liked your joke about the tea very much".


Socialism and Capitalism
"What is the difference between the socialism and capitalism?
Under capitalism one man exploits the others. And under socialism its the other way around".


 

 

Black Lives Matter, So Does The Size !

Black Lives Matter can learn a thing or two from successful people like the Kardashians, instead of worshiping losers like Eric Garner, Laquan McDonald and Michael Brown. (Yes, they don't deseve to be killed, but they are not martyrs.) The Kardashians are intelligent, genuinely like black folks, and understand that Black Size Matters. Just look at the size of Civil Right movement and The Million Man March and compare that with Black Lives Matter.

 

Civil Right movement

Civil Right movement, Martin Luther King's 'I Have A Dream' Speech

Martin Luther King's 'I Have A Dream' Speech, 1963

The Million Man March, 1995

The Million Man March, 1995

The Million Man March, Washington, D.C., October 1995

The largest Black Lives Matter Protest

Black Lives Matter protest, Mall of America, December 2014

A Black Lives Matter protest of police brutality
in the rotunda of the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota, December 2014

A Typical Black Lives Matter Protest

NYC Rise Up and -ShutItDown for Baltimore

NYC Rise Up and -ShutItDown for Baltimore
Black Lives Matter protest at Union Square, Manhattan.
Rally at Union Square (29th April 2015) on the North Side of the Square (on 17th street) to show the people of Baltimore that 'we stand in solidarity with them and with their resistance because their resistance is for justice and their justice is our justice'.

 

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

One-Year Commemoration of the Shooting of Michael Brown, the Ferguson unrest, and the Black Lives Matter Movement
at Barclays Center, Brooklyn. (9 August 2015)


 

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

Next time someone tells you "All Lives Matter," show them this cartoon

Beyoncé's Formation

 

 

Black Lives Matter

The size of Black Lives Matter demonstrations is dwindling and the movement has fizzled. Black size matters. The leaders of Black Lives Matter must find ways to enlarge the size of their supporters.


Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

Image source: Multiple sources

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter
Black Lives Matter needs to enlarge its size and invites you to join.

Image source: Multiple sources

 

Black Lives Matter at The University of North Carolina

Black Lives Matter at The University of North Carolina

Black Student Movement localizes "Don't Shoot" campaign
Some of th students are wearing T-shirts with "BSM" logo. If you think they support "Black Size Matters', then you are wrong. 'BSM' actually stands for 'Black Student Movement'.

Image source: www.dailytarheel.com Multiple sources

Black Lives Matter Politicians' Freudian slips

Black Lives Matter Politicians

Black Lives Matter Politicians perform the "Hands up, don't shoot" gesture that has come to symbolize the protests in Ferguson, Mo.
And, subconsciously, reveal their own or their husbands' size.

Image source: commons.wikimedia.org

 

Courageous Black Lives Matter 'die-in' Protesters

Courageous Black Lives Matter protesters

Black Lives Matter 'die-in' protest at Metro Green Line against Saint Paul Police Department police brutality in Minnesota.
Around 100 protesters blocked the light rail line in St. Paul to protest the treatment of Marcus Abrams by St. Paul police. Abrams, who is 17 and has Autism, was violently arrested by Metro Transit Police on August 31, 2015. During his arrest he suffered a split lip and multiple seizures.
The letter A on their sign fell off on the march. On the march back, a small cheer went up when someone found it, and the march paused while it was re-attached. (commons.wikimedia.org)

COMMENT: The courageous protesters carry an 'incomplete' message; it is the 'size' that matters.
What's missing in the 'Die-In' rally is not an "A", but the "Size".

Eric Garner, Laquan McDonald and Michael Brown were 'die-hard' courageous in the sense that they had no fear of armed polices; and they are all dead.
It took an illegal 'choke hold' and four officers to restrain Eric Garner, while he repeated "I can't breathe". Laquan McDonald was shot 16 times. In Michael Brown's case, the Ferguson police fired a total of twelve bullets with at least six shots striking Brown. The sinister legend has it that both of his hands were still way up in the air when he fell to the ground. Common and John Legend wrote a song "Glory" that portrays the famous 1965 Civil Rights Movement's Selma to Montgomery marches. In the music video of "Glory", Common reenacts Michael Brown's 'Hands up, don't shoot' scene and explains why they walk through Ferguson with their hands up. (It's a mistake to elevate Michael Brown's status to that of MLK.) The song won the Oscar for Best Original Song and the Golden Globe Awards (2015). It is also on my list of Best 2015 Songs. You can check it out here.


All Lives Splatter

All Lives Splatter

Republican response to Black Lives Matter's protests.


 

 

Black Size Matters

Americans are keeping up with the Kardashians who are relentless in the pursuit of size. The size of their fans is enormous and the size of their enterprise is gigantic.

Bruce Jenner, 1976 Olympic champion

Bruce Jenner, 1976 Olympics decathlon gold medal winner

kris's ex-husband, Bruce Jenner, 1976 Olympics decathlon gold medal winner.
The Olympics decathlon gold medal winner is no macho man, After the divorce, Bruce has transformed into Caitlyn, a beautiful woman.

Image source: Multiple sources
Image of Caitlyn: #1   #2  

Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble

Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble

Kris Jenner and her new macho boyfriend, Corey Gamble
With additional image of Caitlyn Jenner, who no longer loves Kris.
If Kris is smart, she should keep Caitlyn away from Corey. However, some movie critics, including the legendary Roger Ebert, have predicted that "When Corey met Cathy" will be a blockbuster hit.

Image source: radaronline.com

 

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries wedding

kim kardashian married the tall and handsome NBA player, kris humphries, in 2011.
Kris Humphries is half black. The marriage lasted only 72 days. No kid.

Image source: Multiple sources

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Kim Kardashian is happily married to Kanye West. They have two kids.
Kanye West is the black singer who hates Taylor Swift. TMZ news

Image source: Multiple sources

 

Khloe Kardashian and her men

Khloe and her men

Lamar Odom, Khloe Kardashian, and Janes Harden
Although he was vastly outnumbered in the brothel, Lamar Odom f*ought superhumanly in the nude until he lost his mind. CNN news

Image source: Multiple sources

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick

Kourtney Kardashian has terminated her relationship with extremely handsome Scott Disick.
In order to reach the altar, good look is not good enough. Besides, Scott is a Di - - ck.

Image source: Multiple sources

 

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner denies dating L.A. Lakers star rookie D'Angelo Russell
They're just friends. Well, that's kinda how it starts ... right? TMZ news

Image source: Multiple sources

Kylie and Tyga

Kylie Jenner and Tyga

Kylie Jenner and Tyga
Kylie was expecting something big from Tyga as her 18th birthday gift. Sure enough, Tyga bought her a car that costs $320,000. Oh, Man, That's Big!

Image source: Multiple sources

 

The Kardashians are of Armenian descent. Ever since the massacre of 200,000 of them by the Turks in 1890s, the Armenians have been in no mood for any funny joke. So instead, here is a Polish joke supposedly told by Steve Wozniak, a Polish-American, the Apple co-founder, and a star in Season 8 of 'Dancing With the Stars':
"What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?"   

"A new last name".

You may protest that the last name of the joke teller, Steve Wozniak, may be hard but not long.
Well, 'Wozniak' is actually an Americanized short version of original Polish name which is 'Wozniakianjikolenxymirudimentoraxupoqasjawetychovetski'.

Q: Do Polish names always end in "ski" ?
A: No, "ski" is actually a modern day Polish invention, a shorthand for 'szohenghulmanzhukjelhavqodsufaxhi '.

The Kardashian's Polish Connection.
Rumor has it that Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend, Scott Disick, is of Royal Polish blood and looks down upon Kardashians' un-sophisticated 'reality' lives. The believers point to his princely good look and his low intellect, the result of European royal inbreeding, to support their arguments. But the non-believers dismiss the rumor outright because of Scott's short last name. The following story apparently settles the issue. However, it turns out to be an R-rated offensive tale not suitable for the gentle souls. So, the story is retold here in a subtle form and in fine print. It will take a lot of patience and intense concentration, which the minors totally lack, to read the entire story. Here it goes:

Kourtney Kardashian, after having three kids with Scott Disick, decided to have no more. So Scott goes to the hospital and has the vasectomy done. After the operation, Kourtney comes to visit and pays Scott her respect. The male nurse, who regularly changes the dressings, teases Kourtney, "You have one hell of naughty boyfriend in there who tattoos the word 'Dick' on his humanhood". Kourtney is a little bit confused and says, "No, it is not 'Dick'; it is 'Disick', his name". The male nurse disagrees so Kourtney calls out to Scott, "Honey, is that your name you have it tattooed down there?" Scott yells back, "Yes it is, honey, it's my last name." Kourtney smiles triumphantly. The male nurse can't believe it and won't accept defeat. When a female nurse shows up, he asks for her be the judge and to check out the tattooed word. Kourtney agrees. So the female nurse goes inside the private room, carefully checks the hood, and writes down the word on a piece of paper. When she comes out, the male nurse and Kourtney ask, “Is it a 'Dick' or a 'Disick'?” Surprisingly, the female nurse responds, "No, it is neither. Actually, It is a long word that I have to write it down". "Here it is", she looks at the paper and spells out Scott's original last name, "Disghokinjilenxymirudikomchovetewetyantoraxupoqasjaweychovetyick".

There it is and you have the answers! From this story we can comfortably reach at least four conclusions:
1) With that kind of last name, Scott is definitely a Polish descent.
2) 'Disick' is actually an Americanized short version, the first 3 and the last 3 letters, of Scott’s royal family name, which is also his original last name that he proudly tattoos on the most precious organ of his body. (The Disick's royal house motto is 'Never Forget Your Root'.)
3) Scott genuinely likes Kourtney and is happy to see her every time. He is always an exciting 'Disick', not a sleepy 'Dick', to Kourtney.
4) The female nurse must be very, very, very pretty.


Reference: What Nationality Is The Surname, Disick?   alt   Copy  


 

Are Blacks and Whites Equal?

Are Blacks and Whites Equal? Black Size Matters

Blacks and Whites are equal in every way except one.
Seth Macfarlane

Image source: giphy.com

Are Blacks and Whites Equal?

Are Blacks and Whites Equal? Black Size Matters

Blacks and Whites are equal in every way except one.
The beneficiary's perspective

Image source: Multiple sources

 

 

Reactions to the Epic Collapse of TrumpCare Old pics say it all!

Donald Trump  and  Paul Ryan

Donald Trump and Paul Ryan

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan and Donald Trump

Ivanka Trump

What is Ivanka Trump talking?

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin

Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh

Rush Babies

Thousands of Rush Babies

Sean Hannity

Sean Hannity

Bill O'Reilly

Bill O'Reilly

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter

Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck

Conservatives

Conservatives

Scott Walker

Scott Walker

Jimmy Swaggart

Evangelical Christian

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin

Hillary Clinton laughing

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton laughing

Long Time No Laugh

Hillary Clinton laughing

I'm In Heaven!

Barack Obama

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama

Michelle and Barack

Michelle and Barack

Team Obama

Team Obama

The Diversified

Make Diversity Great Again

Bill Maher

Bill Maher

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart

Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin

Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi

SNL, Dead or Alive

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler

The cast of Hamilton

The cast of Hamilton

Seth Meyers

Seth Meyers

Chuck Todd & NBC

Chuck Todd & NBC

Pope

Pope

 

 

Notice:
DUE TO RECENT BUDGET CUTS, AND THE SPIRALING COST OF ENERGY,
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE.


Trump Wins

Trump wins Presidential Election 2016   Celebrities that will Leave The Country If Trump Wins

Left: Trump wins - He’s hired! Donald Trump is elected 45th President of the United States in stunning upset.
Celebrities Call for Boycott of People Magazine After Glowing Trump Cover Gets Unveiled.

Right: These 23 Celebrities Said They'll Leave The Country If Trump Wins  

Celebrity Reactions to Trump's Win

Snoop Dogg, Rapper and Actor (After Hillary made the 3 a.m. phone call to Trump and conceded on Nov 9, 2016.)
“Worst day in America 9/11. Second worst day in America 11/9.”

Alec Baldwin, Actor, Donald Trump Impersonator and a jerk who says he doesn't hate Trump.
"The billionaire Republican businessman is close to winning the race and world markets are crashing. He's all yours, America. He's all yours."

Chrissy Teigen, Model
“If your ears are burning, that’s everyone in entire world laughing at us.”

Katy Perry, Singer
“WE WILL NEVER BE SILENCED". "THE REVOLUTION IS COMING".

Josh Gad, Actor
“I never thought I’d say this, but boy do I miss George W. Bush right now.”

Piers Morgan, Journalist
“#Revenge of The Deplorables.”

Seth MacFarlane, TV producer
“At least pot’s legal.”

Seth MacFarlane recently attempted to explain why his fellow actors, writers, and producers dislike the president-elect so much. He tweeted: “We’ve learned to recognize the blustery showmanship of a lying con man because we encounter it every day in our business.” Source

Kate Hudson
“Projection update: Xanax and Beta Blocker stock has sky rocketed 22%.”

Andy Cohen, Talk Show Host
“Did we just elect a snake oil saleman and his wicked court of terror or is my Ambien kicking in? or both?”

Jordan Peele, Actor
“I refuse to believe Donald Trump was born in this country”.

Bill Maher, Asshost
Liberals "Cried Wolf" About Bush And Romney And We Were Wrong, "Fascist" Trump Is Different.
I gave Obama a million dollars because I was so afraid of Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney wouldn’t have changed my life that much or yours, or John McCain. They were honorable men who we disagreed with, and we should have kept it that way. So, we cried wolf, and that was wrong. But this [Octopus Trump] is real. This is going to be way different.”

New York Rep. Steve Israel, one of the Democratic Party's top campaign strategists
"Romney was qualified, but he had the wrong ideas. Trump is unqualified, dangerous and still has the 'right' ideas." - (This is how a fake news can be properly done. All you need to do is changing one word and the truth jumps out.)

Bristol Palin, Reality TV star
“Are you packing your bags? 10 celebs who've vowed to leave if Trump's elected - 'Do you promise?'"

George R.R. Martin, creator of popular TV Drama 'Game of Thrones'
“Winter is coming."

Paris Hilton,Socialite
“#Make America Hot Again.”

Anonymous
Make America Love Again. Make America Gay Again. Make America Steak Again.
Make Donald Drumpf Again.

Make America Great Britain Again

Make America Great Britain Again

Make America Great Britain Again

Make America Great Britain Again

Make America Mexico Again

Make America Mexico Again

Make America Native Again

Make America Native Again

Make America white Again

Make America white Again

Make America Hate Again

Make America Hate Again

Make Congress Blue Again

Make Congress Blue Again




Why did Donald Trump secretly not want to win the election?
Because now he’ll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Donald Trump is going to be the next president, but the real winner is Melania Trump.
Now she can call herself the First Lady instead of the Third Wife.

What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation?
Discrimination.

How much is Donald Trump’s life insurance?
Just one Pence.

Donald Trump’s foreign policy:
If you mess with the USA, there’ll be hell toupee.

“Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them 'anxious.' And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them 'Canadian.'”–Conan O'Brien

“At a Donald Trump rally the other night, a supporter shouted out the Nazi salute 'Sieg Heil!' Trump immediately responded, 'There is no place for that here – save it for my inauguration.'”—Conan O'Brien

 

Reactions From The Liberal Media

New York Daily News front cover renames White House under Trump the 'House of Horrors'   Martha Raddatz of ABC News sounded emotional on election night as she provided live coverage of Donald Trump's stunning win.   TYT (The Young Turks Online Program) Election Temper Tantrums 2016   Time names Donald Trump 'Person of the Year'

1. New York Daily News front cover renames White House under Trump the 'House of Horrors'
2. Martha Raddatz of ABC News sounded emotional and appeared to cry over Trump's win on election night.
3. TYT (The Young Turks Online Program) Election Temper Tantrums.
4. Time named Donald Trump 'Person of the Year' on Dec 7, 2016.

Reaction to Trump's Win by Outspoken Celebrities

Leonardo DiCaprio Crying

Leonardo DiCaprio

Baby Clinton

Baby Chelsea

Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus

Barack Hussein Obama

Barack Hussein Obama

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama 2020

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey

Whoopi Goldberg

Whoopi Goldberg

Adele

Adele

Bryan Cranston

Bryan Cranston & All Future Canadians

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer

Carrie Mathison

Carrie Mathison (CIA & FBI)

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

Environmentalists

Environmentalists

Tina Fey

Tina Fey & Sarah Palin's Haters

Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler

Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman & Nearly All Hollywood Actresses

Tobey Maguire

Tobey Maguire

Justin Long

Justin Long (LGBTQ supporters)

Andy Cohen

Andy Cohen (LGBTQ under attack)

George Clooney

George Clooney

LeBron James

LeBron James

Democratic Party

Democratic Party

Seth MacFarlane

Seth MacFarlane in Shock

Seth Meyers

Seth Meyers & Late-night Comedians

George Lopez

George Lopez

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez

Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin & All SNL Members

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin


Katy Perry's Five Stages Of Grieving
katy Perry

1. Denial (This Is Not Happening!)

katy Perry

2. Anger (Damn you Comey!)

katy Perry

3. Bargaining (THE REVOLUTION IS COMING!)

katy Perry

4. Depression (Justice Ginsburg is 83, Breyer 78)

katy Perry

5. Acceptance (Not in Katy's Lifetime)


 

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Even the smart alec Jon Stewart can't answer these questions:

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
God Works in Mysterious Ways, Jon!

Why Do Good Things Happen to Bad People?
Answer: Electoral College.



Prediction: Jon Stewart 2020.

 

Mark Cuban

Mark Cuban 2020
'I was dumb enough to think I would be able to talk people out of voting for Donald Trump'
Mark Cuban is right and he may as well speak for all of those outspoken celebrities.
Mark Cuban also said at the end: 'They give President-elect Trump the satisfaction of watching those like me who campaigned vocally against him, bend over, and kiss his ring. Touche, '

Bruce Springsteen   Bruce Springsteen  

Bruce Springsteen 2020
Left: 'The republic is under siege by a moran.'
Right: 'THAT'S WHAT ARTISTS DO. THEY LIE IN SERVICE OF THE TRUTH.'

I come from a boardwalk town where almost everything is tinged with a bit of fraud. So am I. By twenty, no race-car-driving rebel, I was a guitar player on the streets of Asbury Park and already a member in good standing amongst those who “lie” in service of the truth . . . artists, with a small “a.”

 


Celebrities React To Hillary Losing Election.
See it at YouTube

 

 

WARNING: DON'T VOTE (Jennifer Aniston, Leonardo Dicaprio, Halle Berry, Sarah Silverman, ...)

HOLY SH*T (You've Got To Vote)

 

God is silent. Now if only man (especially the celebs) would shut up. ― Woody Allen

There are two types of people in this world, good (liberals) and bad (conservatives). The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. ― Woody Allen

 

Trump Wins

Mexico has just built the wall <i>!</i>   The liberals are busy building the wall.

Left: Mexico has just built the wall. !   Right: The liberals are busy building the wall.  

Donald Trump, feminist's night-mare.   Trump and Obama, Orange Is the New Black

Left: Donald (Octopus) Trump, feminist's night-mare. Where is morning-after pill when you need it?
Right: Orange Is the New Black  

Ann Coulter   Ann Coulter: In Trump We Trust

The Big Winner: Ann Coulter.
On summation of Trump's win, and in agreement with Peter Thiel, Ann Coulter says in the show: "The media refuse to take Donald Trump seriously, but they insist on taking him literally while everyone else listening to him, like me, is taking him seriously but not literally".

Watch Video of Ann Coulter on Trump's Victory (www.youtube.com)

During a speech at the National Press Club outlining his case for Trump, Peter Thiel was asked if he supported Trump’s most famous policy proposals: building a wall on the US/Mexico border and banning Muslim immigration to the US. Here was his response:
I don't support a religious test. I certainly don't support the specific language Trump has used in every instance. But I think one thing that should be distinguished here is that the media is always is taking Trump literally. It never takes him seriously but it always takes him literally. I think a lot of the voters who vote for Trump take Trump seriously but not literally. So when they hear things like the Muslim comment or the wall comment, or things like that, the question is not are you going to build a wall like the Great Wall of China, or how exactly are you going to enforce these tests. What they hear is we're going to have a saner, more sensible immigration policy. We're going to try to figure out how do we strike the right balance between cost and benefits.

Trump Wins

What On Earth Is Happening?   What On Earth Is Happening?

Left: What On Earth Is Happening?   Right: What On Earth Is Happening?

Donald Trump running for president as a Republican   Martin Luther King's quote

Left: Donald Trump said that he was running for president as a Republican. That's funny, because I thought he was running as a joke. --- Seth Meyer. The joke is on you, Seth !
(Note: The image is "Fake News" put out by the smart Liberals. Dumb Amy Schumer eats it up.)
Right: There is a big difference. The pot was illegal then. 

 

Donald J. Trump, The Magic Dragon

Donald J. Trump, The Magic Dragon

Donald J. Trump, The Magic Dragon

Donald J. Trump, The Magic Dragon

Donald J. Trump, The Magic Dragon

The Republican presidential candidates and Democratic presidential nominee think they can defeat and destroy Donald Trump just by telling the truth about him. They use Trump's own words to reflect and thus disclose the dark, sinister, narcissistic, greedy, arrogant, bully, hypocritical, phony, deceitful, sexist, misogynous, sexual predatory, racist, bigoted, KKK, Nazi, psychopathic, criminal, violent, and dangerous sides of the man. Well, they all get burnt, badly, by the toxic words that come out of magic Trump's mouth.
What is going on?
There is a storyline in the "The Dance of Dragons", the ninth episode of the fifth season of HBO TV drama "Game of Thrones':
Shireen Baratheon (The king's young daughter): "Ser Byron Swann wanted to kill the dragon. He polished his shield for a week so that it was like a mirror. And he crouched behind it and crept forward, hoping the dragon would only see its own reflection."
Davos Seaworth (The king's right-hand man): "But the dragon only saw a dumb man holding a mirrored shield."
Shireen Baratheon: "And burnt him to a crisp."
Davos Seaworth: "Thus ending the dragon-slaying career of Ser Byron Swann."
- - - Davos and Shireen share a laugh.
(Ser Byron Swann was a knight burnt to death by a dragon in an ancient war that became known as the 'Dance of the Dragons'.)


“Analysts say Hillary Clinton's plan to defeat Donald Trump involves painting Trump as 'dangerous and bigoted.' She plans on doing this by quoting Trump accurately.”—Conan O'Brien


The Tragedy of Donald Trump

Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school one day.
In one of the classes, they’re in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Trump if he’d like to lead the discussion of the word “tragedy.”

He agrees to do so and asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” says Trump, “That would be an accident.”

Next a little girl raises her hand and says, “If a school bus carrying forty children went off a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“No, I’m afraid not,” says Trump. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room goes silent for a while as no other children volunteer.
Trump looks around the room and says a little testily, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
At last, a little boy at the back of the class raises his hand and says, “If a private jet carrying you, Mr Trump, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” shouts Mr Trump, “That’s exactly right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy, “Because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

The Comedy of Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in Ithaca, New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we?
Oh, that's right question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question?"
"I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third -whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"


Presidential Election - Hillary vs Trump

Presidential Election - Hillary vs Trump   The Two-faced Hillary vs The Joker Trump

Presidential Election - Hillary vs Trump   The Two-face vs The Joker, choose!

Two-Face Hillary, Joker Trump and The Batman

Two-Face Hillary vs Joker Trump   Two-Face Hillary, Batman, and Joker Trump

Two-Face Hillary vs Joker Trump   Two-Face Hillary, Batman, and Joker Trump

The Two-Face and The Joker in the Batman movies

Joker, Two-Face, and Batman in the movie 'The Dark Knight'   Tommy Lee Jones vs. Aaron Eckhart as The Two-Face in the Batman movies   Heath Ledger vs. Jack Nicholson as The Joker in the Batman movies

Left: Joker, Two-Face, and Batman in the movie "The Dark Knight"
Middle: Tommy Lee Jones vs. Aaron Eckhart as The Two-Face in the Batman movies
Right: Heath Ledger vs. Jack Nicholson as The Joker in the Batman movies

Note for those who are not familiar with American comics and movies about the superhero Batman:
Two-Face (Harvey Dent) is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by DC Comics, commonly as an adversary of the superhero Batman. (Reference: Wikipedia Two-Face)
The Joker is a fictional supervillain created by Bill Finger, Bob Kane, and Jerry Robinson who first appeared in the debut issue of the comic book Batman (April 25, 1940) published by DC Comics. (References: Wikipedia Joker (comics) and The Joker (The Dark Knight))  





Q: If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?
A: America.

The two faces of Hillary

The two faces of Hillary: Public and Private   Hillbilly: Bill-and-Hillary Clinton Hybrid

The two faces of Hillary: Public and Private   Hillbilly: Bill-and-Hillary Clinton Hybrid

The two faces of Hillary   The Two Faces of 'Green' Hillary Clinton

The two faces of Hillary
Left: How can you tell that Hillary is about to lie? Her lips begin to move.
Right: The Two Faces of 'Green' Hillary Clinton. According to Wikileaks, at the same time Hillary Clinton was wooing the support of radical greens, at a behind closed doors meeting with pro-energy unions, she was telling those same radical greens to “get a life”. (Source: wattsupwiththat.com)  

Donald Trump, the Joker

The many facial expresions of Donald Trump   Donald Trump, the Joker

The many facial expresions of Donald Trump   Donald Trump, the Joker  

Donald Clinton and Hillary Trump

Donald Clinton   Hillary Trump

Donald Clinton   Hillary Trump  

 

The two faces of Nixon

Russell Crowe (The enforcer): Maybe they’re both telling the true.
Ryan Gosling (Private detective): What do you mean they’re both telling the truth?
Crowe: I got a friend, right? Secret Service. Worked the Nixon detail. This was after they threw him out of office. Anyway, you know. Nixon’s driving around one day around San Clemente. Just him and a few agents. And they come across this car accident, right? There’s a guy pinned under a car. Anyway, Nixon gets out, runs over to check on the guy, you know, leans down, and Nixon says to him, “You’re gonna be Okay, son. You’re gonna be all right.” And right then the guy dies.
Gosling: I don’t get it.
Crowe: Think about it from that guy’s point of view, Okay? The guy who died. He’s jying there on the ground, staring up the sky, near death, and then former president, Richard Nixon, appears before him and tells him he’s gonna be fine. Now, did he think that’s normal, right, that before they die everybody sees Nixon?
Gosling: You’re expecting an angel and you get Nixon.
Crowe: Exactly. Right?
Gosling: Yeah.
Crowe: It’s the same situation, just a vastly different point of view.
Gosling: So there’s two ways to look at something.
Crowe: Yeah.
Gosling: That’s the point of the story?.
Crowe: Yeah.

 

Tree Trump

Tree Trump: The old elm looks ike Donald Trump
The old elm that looks like Donald Trump

A knarled old elm looks uncannily like Donald Trump
Photographer Jon Rowley spotted tree in field in Glewstone, Hereford, UK. The ivy tree even contains Donald Trump's distinctive quiff and big mouth. He said: 'Perhaps it's a warning about who could become president'.

Tree Hilary

Tree Hilary
Tree Hilary

Working on a weirwood tree from Game of Thrones by Hilary Kauder.

Hillary Clinton's Money Tree

Hillary Clinton's Money Tree

Hillary Clinton's Money Tree

 

 

Liberal Democrates vs Consevative Republicans

Gentle & caring liberals.

Gentle& caring Obama, the baby whisperer  Obama in tears

Left: Barack - The baby whisperer.
Right: Obama tearing up in gun control speech on Jan 5, 2016.





Liberal Jokes

O.B.A.M.A (One Big Awful Mistake America)
O.B.A.M.A (One Big Awful Mistake America)
Image sources: Multip[le sources  

Obama is no drunken sailor
Obama is no drunken sailor
Image sources: Multip[le sources  

Why is it not surprising that Republicans lost two presidental races to Obama?
In long races usually the guy from Kenya wins.

Why shouldn't Democrats worry about losing the midterm elections?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.

Did you hear about the new Obama Diet?
You let Putin eat your lunch every day.

What is the difference between Obama and Jesus?
Jesus can put a cabinet together.

What is the difference between Obama and Osama?
Just a little bs and a lot of BS.

Why won't Obama laugh at himself?
Because it would be racist.

Why can't Obama dance?
Cause he has two leftist feet.

Some Republicans are saying that President Obama should be impeached.
In response, Obama laughed and said, ‘Two words fellas: President Biden.’

Why won’t Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving?
Because Vice President Biden will be out of town.

Ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi is debating climate change with Sarah Palin.
I think Nancy will do fine. The debates on climate change always come down to whoever blinks first.

Nancy Pelosi   Tree of Half Life

Staring Contest

Question: 60% of Americans think Hillary Clinton is untrustworthy, dishonest, and many find her unlikable. What can she do to improve her image?
Answer: It's time to visit The Humane Society and adopt a transgender dog that looks like Katy Perry.
Better yet, a transgender dog that looks like Taylor Swift but roars like Katy Perry.
Liberals Worship transgenders, whose time has come. Here is the proof: Liberals Worship Caitlyn Jenner as Transgender “Goddess”. 

Katy Perry & look-alike dog.  Taylor Swift & look-alike dog. 

Tough & cruel conservative

Sarah Palin shot & killed a caribou  Obama in tears

Left:Sarah Palin shot & killed a caribou.
Right: The moment Obama was told that Sarah Palin had shot & killed a migrating caribou. After careful examination, the scientists concluded that the tear was of human origin, not alligator.





Conservative Jokes

Donald Trump and Sarah Palin 

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” (Bertrand Russell)
(Note: Now you know why Sarah Palin and Donald Trump are so tough and, on the other hand, Obama is (thank you) very much indecisive.)

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” ― Woody Allen

“It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people like Sarah Palin (or Donald Trump), who pays no price for being wrong".

“It would be so simple for Sarah Palin (or Donald Trump) to be wise. She/He could just think of something to say and just say the opposite”.

“Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have Sarah Palin (or Donald Trump) as a leader.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Thought for the day:
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?


Donald Trump jokeDonald Trump hair 

There are so much violence and chaos at his campaign rallies, Donald Trump frequently has to shout, "Everybody Needs to Comb Down".


Donald's saying he wants to run for president and move into the White House. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he has pushed a black family out of their home. --- Snoop Dogg

In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Donald Trump said, "I believe in god." But of course The Donald was talking about Himself. --- Jay Leno

Donald Trump said that he was running for president as a Republican. That's funny, because I thought he was running as a joke. --- Seth Meyers

“A new poll released today shows Donald Trump is leading the Republican field with 24 percent. How far are we going to let this go? It's almost Thanksgiving. Trump is still leading. Next thing you know, he's winning Iowa, then he takes New Hampshire, then he somehow actually becomes the Republican nominee. And before you know it, Hillary Clinton is president!”—Seth Meyers

“Republican hopeful Rick Perry this week compared Donald Trump to cancer. Which really isn't fair, because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.” –Seth Meyers

“By the way, Donald, it's pronounced ‘huge,’ not ‘eyuge.’ Also, it's pronounced ‘I am **** delusional,’ not ‘I am running for President.’”—Seth McFarlane

A new study claims the stress of being president takes three years off your life. So suddenly everyone is thinking of voting for Trump." --- Conan O'Brien

At Donald Trump's rally in Dayton, Ohio (March 12, 2016), a liberal protester, Thomas DiMassimo, jumped the barricades and rushed the stage. Trump's speech was interrupted as the Secret Service agents leapt on stage and formed a protective circle around him. Trump was visibly startled, "I was ready for him, but it's much easier if the cops do it," Trump said. The combative Dimassimo was tackled to the ground and arrested for disorderly conduct and inducing panic. He was later falsely accused by Trump to have ties to ISIS. When asked about the incident, a Secret Service agent explained, "The man is delusional and dangerous, but we still have to protect him."

Few people thought Ronald Reagan could ever become president — but he was elected twice. Few people thought Donald Trump could be a serious presidential candidate — now ... Trump shares Reagan's "passion" for what he believes in. .... Also, Donald Trump regards himself as a visionary. Visionaries? Well, psychiatric wards are full of them.   Reference: 15 Things Trump and Reagan Have in Common

What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"

“Donald Trump has had several foreign wives. It turns out that there are really are jobs Americans won't do.”–Mitt Romney

“The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.” —Jay Leno

“Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him."―Eric Schneiderman

"Trump is unstoppable. He's like Godzilla with less foreign policy experience." –Stephen Colbert

“Donald has attacked every person of color – except John Boehner.”—Joe Biden

“Donald Trump said he's sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that!”―David Letterman

“Here's the thing about Donald Trump: he never apologizes; he's never wrong no matter what crazy thing he says. He's the white Kanye.”―Bill Maher

“Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people want.”―Andy Borowitz

“Donald Trump is here tonight. Now I know that he’s taken some flak lately. But no one is happier—no one is prouder—to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter: Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”—Barack Obama

“I don't believe that Donald Trump is a racist. He's just pandering to the most prejudiced segment of the country. He's hustling them. [...] None of what he's saying is true. You don't just develop racism overnight on the campaign trail. Racism is embedded deep down in a person's soul. I've looked into that man's eyes. Donald Trump doesn't have a soul.”—Michael Che

 

Gandhi vs Martin Luther King Jr (Epic Rap Battles)

Sarah Palin VS Lady Gaga (Epic Rap Battles)