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"The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable." - Paul Dean.
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldnâ€™t pay the bill he gave me six months more." - Walter Matthau.
"A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy." - Joan Rivers.
"She got her looks from her father: Heâ€™s a plastic surgeon." -Groucho Marx.
"The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure."
"Men with one chopstick go hungry."
"War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left."
"Men who drive like hell are bound to get there."
"Men who live in a glass house should change clothes in basement."
"Women don't fart........ They whisper into their panties."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."